When we feel judged by others, to clarify, we are talking about being negatively judged right now. We tend to cringe, feel less than, get angry and reactive, or find some other defense to handle these uncomfortable feelings; be it blame or obsessively going over and over in our minds how we can change this outcome of being judged.
Even more important is when we harshly judge ourselves. It is like jumping on the bandwagon to join into the imagined laud of the crowd to support our deep seeded fears of not being enough, of being rejected, of being wrong, of being ridiculed in some way, shape or form. All this proving our old belief we are not truly valued. We are not understood. We are not really loved. The truth is we are not loving ourselves. We need to learn to do just that.
STOP and think of what it does to you to obsessively conjure up all the possibilities there are in the universe in an effort to avoid being negatively judged. The fact is this obsession is habit. You have the choice to abandon such obsessive thinking. You have the choice not to exact harsh judgement on yourself
The problem: most do not realize the power to choose is theirs. Most do not realize they have the power to treat themselves lovingly. We have the power to set boundaries not only with others but also set healthy boundaries within ourselves to say STOP HERE. NO MORE self-deprecation, no more unnecessarily igniting thoughts of fear.
Being comfortable breeds and exudes confidence. Confidence and being comfortable with oneself is strengthening. It leads to all sorts of surprising outcomes. Not the least of which is emerging creativity and increased capacity to love and be loved.
What if the reason for your crippling fears reduces, dissipates and finally disappears into the ethers? We learn our reaction patterns in childhood. Does the reason you habitually react with fear actually still exist?
Answer that question truthfully and you have the answer for the way out. Give yourself the good news: The big bad monster has left the closet and the ugly entity has fled from under the bed.
Letting go of reasons to feel fear can be done by doing the opposite: Trusting you are okay. Have faith in yourself that you will now be able to survive an array of circumstances
(which by the way you already have). You can reject absorbing negative judgements from the past or the present in whatever form it may take. Yes, sure it takes practice. But any skill worth attaining takes that. Mistakes are only mistakes. Learn and grow.
What is your reason to be afraid? Mostly, we forget. Yet we coddle, nurse and obsess over this sometimes useful, more often times destructive emotion of fear without due cause.
Instead of justifying obsessing over a hundred “what if’s”; Justify practicing trust. Be comfortable. There is more good reason to trust than be anxious.
As you go down the path of self-care, self-value and self-love letting go hopeless, helpless fear will become easier and easier. Promise.
Mary Seyuin, M.A. LLP